I know better now, and so I am trying to do better. It is painful because the old ways are so comfortable but I know in my heart that pain is the only thing that will bloom if I go backwards and plant the same seeds I always did.
I want to feel the sun kiss my skin, and watch the light grow inside of me. So yes, I know better, and yes I will try to do better. I will trust that this uncomfortable feeling will fade into peace, and I will be one step closer to being free in me.
I am letting go of many things, thoughts, feelings, and people that have weighed me down until the water filled my lungs. I am learning how to breathe again without them, and it feels bittersweet but I know this is what is right for me.
I won’t explain or justify myself to anyone. I will live out my life with joy, with peace, with honesty, and I will not let anything unravel me again.
This is my story, and beautiful things will be written in each page. The light will soak into my words, and I will come alive in each chapter. No more holding back. No more pleasing you. No more making myself small to make you more. I am here, and I am going to take up space. I am going to live.— Dele Olanubi (via bealightinthedark)
I think about it a lot more than I should, but honestly it really hurts me that you’re out of my life. I never realized how important you were in my life, even if it was just here and there. I never realized how much our random occasional chats on Facebook or joking at the park brightened up my day. Everything felt so easy and good. We can barely even look at each other now. We can’t joke anymore. I can barely talk to you knowing how much your girlfriend would probably hate it. I mean, I can understand. I get why she would feel that way and I don’t want to cause any trouble for you. It’s obvious that she’s really important to you and I have to respect that even if it means I’ll probably never get to talk to you like before again no matter how much it kills me. I miss laughing with you. I wish I could telepathically scream out to you. I hope you’re doing well. When I tell some of my close friends and cousins about what happened between us sometimes I get caught up -say you’re an asshole and I hate you. Honestly, I hope you’re happy. I wish I had a way to know you’re good, to tell you I’m good and I finally got into the School of Education because I know you were one of the few people who truly believed in me and always rooted for me and I’ll always be grateful for that no matter how hard it gets. I mean, all I can say is…life sucks don’t it…lol, and it sure does suck losing a stupidly important friend like you…even if you’ve forgotten about me…even I mean nothing to you anymore…it really sucks for me right now
A few weeks ago I got an email saying that I was denied admission into the School of Education for their elementary education program and I was super beat up and down about it, BUT just today I fricken got an email that they had an opening and offered me a spot in the School of Education for the program I applied for!!!!!!!!! WHUUUUTTTTTTT!!!!!!! I AM JUST SO HAPPY AND EXCITED AND AISHISISISJ I MEAN I DID IT!!! I’M IN THE SCHOOL OF EDUCATION AND IT FEELS AWESOOOMMMMEEEE!!!!!!!!! SO HAPPY I ACTUALLY CRIED WHEN I GOT IT! YAYAYAYAYAAYY SO EXCITED!